I fought the tree and the tree won

a new step into the dark

So i had a personal revelation yesterday.... I quit my job... I grew tired of dealing with boss' that had no clue as to how things should properly run at a bar, and would not listen to any help or reason... i was by title the bar manager, but was micromanaged every step of the way, no matter how small or ridiculous. from being pulled aside during a busy friday night to be told that i had to empty the water from all the candles, and only put one tablespoon of water in them, to then being told to fire all of the barbacks. who make it possible for a bartender to constantly make drinks... I refused.. asked for one week to show them that things could run better my way... one co-worker walked. I had that epiphany that it was time... I laugh, picturing the owners and the inept/idiotic bartender who is now the senoir most trying to figure out the ordering.... lol... lucky for them i decided not to drop a deuce in the ice machine....

Hero of War

He said, "Son,
Have you see the world?
Well, what would you say
If I said that you could?
Just carry this gun and you'll even get paid."
I said, "That sounds pretty good."

Black leather boots
Spit-shined so bright
They cut off my hair but it looked alright
We marched and we sang
We all became friends
As we learned how to fight

A hero of war
Yeah that's what I'll be
And when I come home
They'll be damn proud of me
I'll carry this flag
To the grave if I must
Because it's flag that I love
And a flag that I trust

I kicked in the door
I yelled my commands
The children, they cried
But I got my man
We took him away
A bag over his face
From his family and his friends

A hero of war
Yeah that's what I'll be
And when I come home
They'll be damn proud of me
I'll carry this flag
To the grave if I must
Because it's flag that I love
And a flag that I trust

She walked through bullets and haze
I asked her to stop
I begged her to stay
But she pressed on
So I lifted my gun
And I fired away

And the shells jumped through the smoke
And into the sand
That the blood now had soaked
She collapsed with a flag in her hand
A flag white as snow

A hero of war
Is that what they see
Just medals and scars
So damn proud of me
And I brought home that flag
Now it gathers dust
But it's a flag that I love
It's the only flag I trust

He said, "Son, have you seen the world?
Well what would you say, if I said that you could?"

Song and Lyrics by Rise Against

been a while

so its been a while since ive laid down some thoughts here and figured it was time...
my life has been pretty great recently... i have a cool job that i put my heart into... but i am afraid that i will put too much into it without taking care of myself... and someday i will just crash and burn...this scares me immensely, as i have been there before and sometimes feel like i am slowly going in that direction. my mood is up and down and up and down.... i am still fairly medicated to help with this, but at the same time afraid that i have just come to rely on the drugs rather than doing what i can do myself to adjust things... i still feel almost as unsure about the future as i did in the past... though i guess i dont have much time to think about this as i feel like all i do is work and sleep...